Since we’ve been in Boston for a few months, I thought I’d put together a fun list of things I’ve noticed about Bostonians (and some I’ve started to do myself!). I’m hoping the next few months teach me some more.
So without further ado…
How to tell if someone is from Boston
1) The most obvious: They make the English language sound as if a speech-impaired human is speaking garbled Cockney whilst having several teeth forcibly removed.
2) They approach crosswalks as if they are some sort of pedestrian Moses, able to part seas of vehicles by sheer will and the belief that their right to walk is unimpeachable. Incoming traffic be damned, they will not slow their pace, and will rot in hell before glancing both ways.
3) They’re under the mistaken impression that pizza should suck. They have no concept what good pizza is, nor do any restaurants in the Boston area make great pizza. (Don’t you start with me, Santarpio’s lovers – that place is like a 7 out of 10.)
4) They think that “GO SOX” is an appropriate way to greet another human being. Just Kidding. But similarly, “Bruins won,” is used in place of normal and far more appropriate salutations. For some reason, these athletics-based non-sequiturs are most commonly used in elevator settings.
5) While giving directions and you say, “Continue on this street,” they ask if that means it goes straight or if they’ll have to turn. Seriously, streets just take 90 degree turns here, and new streets take up the march forward in their honor.
6) They believe that Dunkin Donuts can magically be found every 2 blocks, regardless of walking direction. When actually in Boston, they are correct on this point.
7) They believe Marathon Day is “an absolute blast, just like a huge block party!” and not just a really annoying day where you have to walk 1.5 miles out of the way just to cross the damn street.
8) When you refer to “springtime”, they have no idea of what phenomenon you speak. A perfect spring day of 74 degrees is as rare as walking through Chinatown without getting a face full of cigarette smoke. They consider temperature changes of 60F to 90F “normal”.
Of course, I do learn more every day smile . I’ll promise to add more as I see them.